Them Yomas be like...

I'm not dropping my panties for "yo ma"

I'm not opening my legs for "Can I talk to you for a minute"
I'm not gonna sleep with you cuz you called me beautiful.

I don't assume that's all you want, 

or that that's what you all want,

but I don't give many the benefit of the doubt, 

and that's to my benefit.
But I will say thank you, and politely decline the request.
Cuz "yo ma" is not how you get a lady's attention... attention...
I repeat yo ma is not how you my attention.

Yo ma, is not how you slow this New Yorker down on her early morning race to the train, 

or her "It's been a long day and I just want to get home without being harassed." walk after work.

What you don't know is how I'm scheming... 

You think you're scheming, but I'm the one with all the math... 

Calculating fast as I walk slow, 

trying to prolong the moment I walk passed the guys who like to harass, when I just want to go home...


"Talk to them you never know, NO! Okay just say hi and keep walking by. Say peace, smile, and walk real fast, okay Lorisse?

Don't make eye contact... Your head is too low they'll say your sad... Smile a bit, or they'll yell at you, telling you that you should smile... 

Don't smile so much, they'll think you wanna talk to them!... 

Walk faster... Cross the street... Go around the block today... 

Maybe the barber shop is closed already... Maybe it's too cold for them today... 

Thank God it's raining today, I don't have to scheme...

UGH! I hate this construction scaffold, that gives them a place to hang out in even closer proximity to me while giving them shelter from the rain...dammit!

Ok...Pretend there's something reeeeeally interesting way over there... Be very very involved in an important text... Call someone... Pretend to be on a call with someone... 

I shudda brought my headphones today... Why did I dress so nice today... 

Why don't I have a guy at my side today, like that'll stop them anyway..."

All that math gets calculated on the days I want to just unwind in the comforts of my own home hoping that the yomas would just leave me alone

Them yomas be like...Yo ma...Can I run wit'chu?...Don't ask me if you can run with me while I'm already out running, what am I gonna do, stop and wait for you to change into the running gear you clearly don't own?... By the way, I'm running for me, not to look good for you... Why is the best running gear so close to the skin?...

Yo ma... You got a man? Pick up your pants young man... And you're young enough to be my child... Or at least my little nephew or something. Why did I dress so colorful today, looking like an after school special for these kids.

Yo ma... Why you look so sad? I'm concentrating on not stepping in shit!

Olle mami, tu va casar conmigo. Ju gonna be my guife. Tu veras.
No. Negative.

Yo ma... You look tired... What kind of pick up line is that!? That's not a compliment. And I'm certainly not gonna stop and explain my face to you. I'm not tired. I'm exhausted...

With you and the the other yomas and the way you all think you should talk to me.

Yo ma... You should smile... Does that even work? That's like telling me to sneeze. It should happen naturally. Besides, you don't know me and all the math I'm calculating as I approach you, and if you did, you wouldn't be smiling either.

And you don't just go walking through the hood with a cheerful grin all day. What would I look like? My hood gait is not the same as my peace-free-loving-artsy-village-neighborhood gait. In the hood you gotta pay attention, cuz someone is always paying attention to you.

Yo ma pay attention
Attention attention
Yo ma can I talk to you
Yo ma pay attention
Can I get your attention
I really wanna talk to you
Yo ma ma yo... Do I have your attention?
I wanna put out down on you
Yo ma attention
Attention attention
Retention
Retain
Strain
Restrain
Pain
Attain
Gain
Attention
Maintain
Attention
Just to get some brain?

Attention attention... This just in... 

--Yoma, is now the preferred method of starting a conversation with women. In a recent study 9/10 women stopped for yoma to engage in conversation with a male. A whopping 98% of those led to casual sex! Half of those led to friends with benefits and the other half led to marriage!
Who needs e harmony when you have Yoma!
Call now for your compete set of Yoma. Whether it's early or late, it's a date with Yoma! But wait...
Call now and get double the yoma! That's one for you, and one for your home skillet. ;)

And for the first 50 callers, we'll throw in Yoma Tag Team Edition! She won't know what hit her. You and your buddies can do a group Yoma from every angle, and the ladies will love it, guaranteed or your money back!

(Written November 8th, 2012)